January is almost over, and many of us have vowed to work out more, to lose some weight, to be healthier… That list could probably go on.
Some time ago, I decided to stop making resolutions or expecting great changes from myself within ridiculous time frames. Now, I focus on small changes every day – choosing that apple over the delicious but less healthy vegan muffin. And I don’t allow my inner judge to put me down when I choose the muffin over the apple; I know I will choose the apple the next time.
There was a time in my teens that I was a size zero, and my biggest nightmare was gaining weight. I weighed myself every day. Being told I was too thin gave me a strange satisfaction that I just do not understand now. I didn’t starve myself though, and naturally I started to develop more womanly shapes.
I spent most of my twenties as a size six. And despite the fact that I was fit and healthy, I believed I was fat. Sometimes, I would cancel on plans with friends at the last minute because nothing fit right. I believed that if I only worked out hard enough I would be perfect, and sometimes I’d spend two hours working out intensely until I could no longer keep going.
Now, I think I have a much healthier approach to things. First of all, being vegan takes care of certain aspects, but I do realize that working out is essential if I am to live to ninety-six. My goal for this year has been to get a regular workout routine. I no longer want to get rid of my curves, breasts or any attributes that make me a beautiful woman. I just want to be able to run around with my grandchildren or dogs when I’m eighty (and older).
I think having a baby changes you in many ways, and it does different things to different women. Having Alex helped me cope with my body insecurities. My body helped a little being grow, it supported life for nine months, and fed this beautiful little boy for two years. I feel that I owe it to myself to love my body and what it is capable of. I now work out not because I want to lose weight, but because I want to do something good for my body.
I want to treat my body right.
So if you’re keeping your vow to be healthier/work out more, pat yourself on the back and get yourself a massage. If you’re not, go easy on yourself. Sometimes our motivation just needs a bit of perspective.