Read this to find out the secret to life.

I wanted to share a secret I recently discovered with you – the secret to life.

Photo source: Unsplash

Photo source: Unsplash

 

Cauliflower.

Yep, cauliflower.

Oh. Wait. That’s the secret to soup.

I’m serious though. Cauliflower is the secret behind great creamy soups without all the fat laden cream. Want to make a great cream of mushroom? Cauliflower. Cream of cauliflower? Cauliflower. Cream of pumpkin? Cauliflower. And pumpkin, of course.

Cauliflower can imitate rice. Cauliflower can imitate mashed potatoes. Hey running out of potatoes is a thing. I looked it up. And it happens to me more often than you’d think.

When you want to win a debate? Cauliflower. Who can argue with cauliflower. Am I right?

Ummm.

Actually, I haven’t tried this, but now I will just to prove my point.

Cauliflower.

See? It works. I bet you don’t even remember what you were thinking or your rebuttal. I don’t really know what I was thinking.

Oh yeah, cauliflower.

I recently made vegan cauliflower nuggets. They were oh so good and no chickens were harmed in their making. Everyone can feel good about that. Well, maybe for the exception of those people who really get a joy out of dead chickens, but I hope they don’t read this blog. Where have I taken this?

If all the food blogs are to be believed, and hey why not, then cauliflower is the newest best thing we’ve all been eating since like forever. I never knew a life without cauliflower. Have you?

But I guess that’s consumerism for you. They’ll try to sell you something you already have by repackaging it and calling it a miracle cure-all.

But hey, I can jump on this cauliflower bandwagon. I am a vegan after all, and my life mission is to get you to eat more vegetables. (I guess.) Down with the vegetables, I say. If we don’t eat them they’ll try to overthrow us and become our overlords. (Psst. You know that’s the greatest fear of all vegans. That’s why we eat vegetables with such a passion.)

Another thing I’ve been recently obsessing over: cauliflower steaks. They’re so good. Except they’re nothing like the thing they’re imitating. In my case, thank goodness.

I don’t want no steak!

A steak is a cattle that can’t get no love from me.

No. I don’t want no steak!

I grew up in the 90s, don’t hate me for loving TLC. Talking about the 90s, have you noticed all the nostalgia? I mean the 90s were great and all, but it wasn’t really that long ago. But it was a time when few people had cell phones. The internet wasn’t the thing it is nowadays.

No one knew about blogging. I know cause I had a blog in the late 90s and no one except for a few of my friends read it. And that is proof that the internet is not forever. I have no idea where those blogs are or even what sites I used to make them. Of course, they weren’t called blogs then. I don’t even remember what they were. I put my miserable teenage angst-filled poetry on there. It’s probably a good thing it’s gone from my life.

So how did I get here? Oh yeah, steak, TLC, cauliflower. See cauliflower wins at everything. All these beautiful pointless tangents I would have never made had it not been for cauliflower.

Cauliflower. The thing you’ve always eaten but never appreciated. The food that can still surprise you.

And here’s the truth about cauliflower, no one has ever made a commercial about it. But they should. It should have dancing cauliflowers in it like in those “Let’s all go to the Lobby” ads at the drive-ins.

 

I am wrong. Commercials have been made about cauliflower. You can watch one here and here. I am first to admit it when I totally make stuff up, and I occasionally do check uncle Google and auntie Youtube when I make bold statements. You know Youtube is that naughty auntie that you kind of want to know what she’s up to but your mother forbids you to spend too much time with her.

But back to cauliflower. Cauliflower needs a razzy (as in really awesome) commercial with a great 50s style jingle. Cause they don’t write jingles like they used to. Do they still write jingles?

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5 thoughts on “Read this to find out the secret to life.

  1. Oh, Ula, I did not say I disliked it, I am not so heartless, I hope.
    Rather it fills me with a kind of burning indifference, such that I would not raise my aching bones from a chair to feast upon it.
    I sense here that our fledgling friendship is being cast unburgeoned into the waste lands.
    Another minor tragedy, among life’s many.

    Liked by 1 person

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